Most of us have used random nouns as terms of endearment, (honey, peanut, cupcake). It seems like a common human trait to label the ones we love with various words that aren’t necessarily descriptive or meaningful.

Take pumpkin. It’s a large rounded food in the squash family that tends to be a rather lovely shade of orange. It has a mild taste which is best described as “not bad”. It is commonly carved or displayed as fall decoration. When it is eaten, it is cooked beyond recognition, disguised with cream, butter and strong spices and served up in a pie shell, preferably with whipped topping or ice cream so that no one will suspect it of being a reasonably healthy vegetable.

Pumpkin, as a term of endearment makes me think of an orange bulbous object that doesn’t taste good unless it’s mixed with other things. Something that makes a splash on concrete. Yet people who have never even tried pumpkin still accept it as a term of endearment.

I imagine that someone a long time ago (Peter Pumpkin Eater maybe) that thought pumpkins were great. So great that he started calling his wife and kids “pumpkins” so that he could be cast in Real World Mother Goose as the “wacky” one.

It makes you wonder right?

I’m going to start calling my nephew my little buttered toast. LBT for short.

As the alarm screeches and my extremities freeze from the fans trying to propel smoke through the wide open doors and windows I’m realizing…  I don’t have a clue how to cook sausage.

Blame my vegetarian upbringing.

Today on A Prarie Home Companion re-broadcast I heard Molly Ivins tell a story about Austin Texas in the 60’s that ended with a chicken on speed. I can’t tell you how much that meant to me but I would like you to imagine a chicken on speed and tell me you don’t get tingly inside.

The fact that I’ve referenced a single “recreational” drug in 100% of my posts this year shouldn’t concern you at all.

Stay in school.

It’s been almost a year since I updated this site. I still don’t have content but if it makes you feel better I feel pretty bad about it. In fact I’m only here because the guilt has started to reach uncomfortable levels (not because I have anything in particular to say). So what have I been doing for the past year? Well… I haven’t gotten any new memory for my sweet, but I have

• settled into my no-longer-new job
• read lots of exciting and some just ok books
• posted some stuff to flickr
• dabbled in various social networks which I would link if I weren’t still horribly lazy. (9rules, facebook & myspace. look it up)
• become my best friend’s room mate
• not started drinking gin
• started payments on car that’s way sexier than yours; or would be if I could keep it clean
• driven to atlanta
• lost touch with a few friends
• developed a relationship with my nieces and nephew
• not learned the difference between “ie” and “ei” sounds
• gone to the beach
• participated in concerts
• laughed myself silly
• stopped using ellipsis so much and
• gone on a quest to find the perfect hotdog

Overall I’ve been pretty busy and would be happy to elaborate on anything you find more interesting than it should be. On the other hand, it would probably be best for all involved if you pretended this never happened. We wouldn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up.

This is another entry to the category “the reason I don’t spend more of my precious time constructing scintillating posts for you to peruse instead of playing Bang Howdy. It’s a deep and shameful secret but I’m feeling the need to confess so hold on to your britches (that’s the Bang Howdy coming out). You see the problem is my computer… she’s just not as young as she used to be. The computer at work on the other hand…

I know I know. You’re shocked that I would openly admit to an affair with a colleague but let me tell you… she has two gigs of memory! Do you know what Firefox can do with two gigs of memory? Do you? I often go multiple hours without having to restart it! It’s as if my browser is on wheels!! Yes… that’s right I used two exclamation points but I think it was worth it boys and girls. And let me tell you, not only am I experiencing browsing at lightning speeds at work but I can load Adobe Photoshop in less than 5 minutes. Whoa. That’s right. Fonts and all.

Am I exaggerating? Absolutely. But not much. The weeny little half gig I’ve known and loved for years just isn’t doing it in the face of 28 browser extensions (bet you’re wondering what they are) and a Windows Messenger that refuses to accept the fact that I want nothing to do with it. So I’m memory impaired. And until I get some fresh circuity goodness, this will stand as the reason I don’t blog unless I really feel like blogging. As if I really needed a reason.